2 Californias

2 Californias

(7/6/20) California Governor Newsom proposes novel diplomatic plan to prevent civil war & secession of rebel counties during the times of COVID

Uninspired by ubiquitous protests from Hong Kong to the beaches of Florida, California has decided to Institute a 2 California policy. Rather than impose additional or already existing mandates & regulations in regards to social distancing & PPE, Governor Newsom hopes to simplify the handling of the Coronavirus by offering 2 options:

California 1: Agree to wear masks & adhere to social distancing practices

California 2: Stay at least 6 miles away from those wearing masks

Critics say the increase in social distancing would exacerbate the monumentally dire housing crisis in California. As a presumptive measure, militias have formed on the southern border of California chanting “Take back Baja!” in hopees of acquiring newly colonized beachfront property.  

PEDOS has been sent to deescalate the rioting and mitigate the acceptance that Baja California was never part of the United States to begin with. Chances of the Baja Californian contra protestantes chanting “¡Regrese Alta California!” finding a loophole in the 1849 Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo are highly improbable.

In response, Arnold Schwarzenegger & Vincente Fox have proposed a geographic partitioning of the state with Baja California serving as housing for one of the two 2 California’s populations. AMLO was not amused, Bolsanero offered to begin populating either one of the regions with patients, and toilet paper is still being traded on the Stockmarket.