Sallow Flu

(7/23/20) Newport Beach, CA , unexpected early surge in Dirty-Green Flu leads to hybrid Sallow-Flu, straining COVID-19 pandemic resources COVID-19 pandemic

It’s been 3 months since the first reported cases of White Flu in the United States, but professionals fear new patients may also be suffering from a novel hybrid Sallow Flu; an organic, synchronous White and Dirty Green Flu mutation

White-Flu sets itself apart from White-Supremacy, White-Sales, White-Out, and White-House because it has nothing to do with the aformentioned cognomens. Thus far, the ailment has only presented itself in overworked, sleepless, dehydrated, underappreciated essential medical professionals, and their neglected, quarantined pets.

Symptoms:

• Burnout

• Career-change

• Insomnia

• Addiction

 both for workers and in the form of sympathy pains in their partners, as well as a rumoured global walkout and strike if basic humanitarian demands are not met.

Dirty-Green Flu was predicted to be nearly obliterated this year due to pandemic and the social distancing guidelines set in place. Thus far, the ailment has only presented itself in quarantined patients with active Amazon Prime accounts. Preemptive business openings may have exacerbated the regular  annual spread to levels never since 2014, 2008, 1991, 1987, 1923, and A.D. 333.

Symptoms:

• Regret

• Remorse

• Poverty

• Style

Sallow Flu is a new strain originally traced to a hospital worker, who, while suffering from an undetected case of White-Flu went shopping at the newly reopened Galleria where 98% of customers had been suffering from Dirty-Green Flu. The confluence of White and Dirty-Green Flu microdroplets in the chip readers of stores served as warm incubators for the virus. 🦠 Overworked, underappreciated workers who naively self-medicated with retail therapy after receiving government reassurance are encouraged to come in for Sallow-Flu testing. Symptoms:

• Student loan debt

• Ennui

• Anarchy