Mysterious Nano O/S “Leggings" Delivered to American Households

(8/5/20) Corona, California Mysterious Nano O/S “Leggings" Delivered to American Households

Four weeks after the first mysterious seed packets began arriving from China to American households across the the nation, people have been posting pictures of plastic bags containing leggings made of an unfamiliar alien plastic textile from China. Many of the “leggings” appear to be disposable or flimsy, developing holes along the seams before the first image is posted. Due to the similarities in texture and smell of the clear plastic bags 

and leggings, recipients are befuddled by which items are garments and which are terrestrial future maritime waste. The alien substances and enigmatic O/S (onesize?) label of the leggings has Corona Chronicles investigators working with F.B.I. agents Skully & Drew to determine whether nano-sized alien models were indeed, illegally used to size garments. There are 3 theories (redacted due to sensitive information):

New Passive American Weightloss Campaign

In response to soaring stocks prices in the fastfood, alcohol and ##### sectors, the ATF, FDA and USDA have been called to action in order to avoid the imminent herd obesity due to Corona-Virus lockdowns & poor interim lifestyle choices. One of the initial projects is a universal Best One-size Project (B.O.P.), sponsored by the First Lady. It is a passive shaming project that combines America’s love for leggings & schadenfreude into one. The redistribution of funds, earmarked for Diplomacy to B.O.P.s,  was streamlined through executive action. Because of its little to no need for oversight, it is set to run until America’s lust for unrealistic body images expires at the end of this global extinction. Cold Mechanical & Psychological Immobilization Warfare High-level military contractors & disregarded physicians report that, although “slimming”, the leggings may pose an obstacle for Blood when it tries to freely migrate throughout the lower half of the body, thus affecting mobility. The established free-flowing interior sanguine corridors is what has allowed Americans to enjoy healthy, ##### walks to the beloved #####’ market for fresh avocados & loaves of bread for centuries. This new lack of sanguine migration and social ##### against muffintops have led those who try on the leggings to begin blogging about “#” vs. “#####" from home to avoid public visual detection, and justify ######. Analysts confirm more Americans are staying home; but is it due to the virus or the consequences of restrictive leggings? Are foreign powers immobilizing the American populace in preparation for an attack?igh level OPEC Surplus & Price Index Fixing Struggling members of OPEC are strategizing to repurpose petroleum in order to curb an exponential surplus. Last year’s attempts to market petroleum based products at SEMA, Fred Hall, and Comic-Con did not receive much traction and have been abandoned. Inspired by the uniforms worn by many youthful feminine “product ambassadors” at events and trade shows, engineers proposed leggings as an alternative product. The provenance from China is said to be due to outsourcing and tax incentives. The flood of mysterious disposable plastic leggings is set to disrupt & deride the soaring price trajectory of luxury leggings and fajas.